Talk:Marijuana Policy Project: Difference between revisions
Jump to navigation
Jump to search
imported>Michael Pudge (New page: {{subpages}}) |
imported>Shamira Gelbman (first evaluation comments) |
||
| Line 1: | Line 1: | ||
{{subpages}} | {{subpages}} | ||
==First (instructor) evaluation comments== | |||
Hi Michael, | |||
Here are some suggestions for further improvements to your encyclopedia entry draft. I'll stick to the sections you've already developed; keep in mind, though, that you do need to fill in the others and the related articles, bibliography, and external links subpages. | |||
*The intro section is pretty good; just be careful about use of the passive voice (e.g. "A specific emphasis is also placed...") and perhaps work on making the sentences flow together a bit more. | |||
*The "History" section would obviously benefit from a lot more development. You might begin by saying a bit more about the two founders of the organization, their motivations, and actions they took to get the MPP off the ground (and putting all this in the "Founding" subsection). Then, you might create some additional subsections to elaborate on the MPP's development since th mid-1990s. | |||
*In addition to laying out the MPP's current goals, you might elaborate more on what steps it's taking to achieve them. You might also elaborate more on the goals themselves. | |||
*You might flesh out the "Achievements" section a bit more by providing more information about each of the achievements you list. For example, which 13 states have legalized marijuana? What was the MPP's roles in achieving this accomplishment in those states? Which are the states that are "coming soon"? | |||
[[User:Shamira Gelbman|Shamira Gelbman]] 02:55, 4 October 2009 (UTC) | |||
==Second (peer) evaluation comments== | |||
Revision as of 21:55, 3 October 2009
First (instructor) evaluation comments
Hi Michael,
Here are some suggestions for further improvements to your encyclopedia entry draft. I'll stick to the sections you've already developed; keep in mind, though, that you do need to fill in the others and the related articles, bibliography, and external links subpages.
- The intro section is pretty good; just be careful about use of the passive voice (e.g. "A specific emphasis is also placed...") and perhaps work on making the sentences flow together a bit more.
- The "History" section would obviously benefit from a lot more development. You might begin by saying a bit more about the two founders of the organization, their motivations, and actions they took to get the MPP off the ground (and putting all this in the "Founding" subsection). Then, you might create some additional subsections to elaborate on the MPP's development since th mid-1990s.
- In addition to laying out the MPP's current goals, you might elaborate more on what steps it's taking to achieve them. You might also elaborate more on the goals themselves.
- You might flesh out the "Achievements" section a bit more by providing more information about each of the achievements you list. For example, which 13 states have legalized marijuana? What was the MPP's roles in achieving this accomplishment in those states? Which are the states that are "coming soon"?
Shamira Gelbman 02:55, 4 October 2009 (UTC)