Talk:Veterans of Foreign Wars: Difference between revisions
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imported>Adam Cooper (New page: {{subpages}}) |
imported>Shamira Gelbman (first evaluation comments) |
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==First (instructor) evaulation comments== | |||
Hi Adam, | |||
Here are some suggestions for further improvements to your encyclopedia entry draft: | |||
* The intro is serviceable, though a bit terse. You might consider fleshing it out a bit more. | |||
* Of the sections you've been working on so far, the "History" section is probably the one that would benefit most from much more elaboration. You might do more to set the context of the organization's founding for your readers, and then create additional subsections to chronicle its development after 1914. | |||
* It might make sense to make the "Membership" section a subsection of "Organizational structure." | |||
* The "Current Objectives and Activities" section is organized well; the next step would be to elaborate more on each subsection. For example, what is the VFW actually doing to "support actions taken against countries which support and protect any terrorist groups"? Why is there a need for a new GI Bill and what is the VFW doing to secure its passage? | |||
* Which individuals currently fill the leadership positions you identify in the "Organizational Structure" section? | |||
* You might elaborate a little bit on the significance of the various pieces of legislation listed in the "Achievements" section. Also, while there's good reason to focus on the more recent ones, you might consider highlighting some of the most consequential earlier achievements. | |||
* Throughout the entry, you might place double square brackets (i.e. [[ ]] ) around key terms to create links to other Citizendium articles. For example, [[Spanish-American War]]. | |||
* Finally, make sure to fill in the final section on the main page and the various required subpages. | |||
[[User:Shamira Gelbman|Shamira Gelbman]] 01:33, 5 October 2009 (UTC) | |||
==Second (peer) evaulation comments== | |||
Revision as of 19:33, 4 October 2009
First (instructor) evaulation comments
Hi Adam,
Here are some suggestions for further improvements to your encyclopedia entry draft:
- The intro is serviceable, though a bit terse. You might consider fleshing it out a bit more.
- Of the sections you've been working on so far, the "History" section is probably the one that would benefit most from much more elaboration. You might do more to set the context of the organization's founding for your readers, and then create additional subsections to chronicle its development after 1914.
- It might make sense to make the "Membership" section a subsection of "Organizational structure."
- The "Current Objectives and Activities" section is organized well; the next step would be to elaborate more on each subsection. For example, what is the VFW actually doing to "support actions taken against countries which support and protect any terrorist groups"? Why is there a need for a new GI Bill and what is the VFW doing to secure its passage?
- Which individuals currently fill the leadership positions you identify in the "Organizational Structure" section?
- You might elaborate a little bit on the significance of the various pieces of legislation listed in the "Achievements" section. Also, while there's good reason to focus on the more recent ones, you might consider highlighting some of the most consequential earlier achievements.
- Throughout the entry, you might place double square brackets (i.e. [[ ]] ) around key terms to create links to other Citizendium articles. For example, Spanish-American War.
- Finally, make sure to fill in the final section on the main page and the various required subpages.
Shamira Gelbman 01:33, 5 October 2009 (UTC)