Mary Todd Lincoln

Mary Todd Lincoln (December 13, 1818 – July 16, 1882) was born in Lexington, Kentucky, in 1818, to a large family headed by the prosperous Robert Todd, and his first wife, Elizabeth Parker Todd. When Mary was only seven, Elizabeth died and Robert married Elizabeth “Betsy” Humphreys Todd. Between the two marriages, sixteen children were produced, including Mary. Mary had a rocky relationship with her stepmother, and she fled in part by attending Madame Mentelle’s fine boarding school, where Mary received an elite education and learned fluent French (which served her well as First Lady when the Lincolns hosted the emperor and empress of France).

After completing her education at Madame Mentelle’s, the young woman went to Springfield, Illinois, to live with her elder sister, Elizabeth Todd Edwards, and Elizabeth’s husband, the politician Ninian Wirt Edwards. Mary became part of a “coterie” of socially prominent single Springfield residents, including politicians and eligible young ladies. The coterie enjoyed sleigh rides, dances, and other social pursuits. Through this coterie, Mary met up-and-coming politician Abraham Lincoln, though they did not immediately date. First, Mary dated several other young men, including Stephen A. Douglas, who eventually became one of Lincoln’s key political rivals. But, finally, Lincoln and Mary became a couple, and were engaged – though the engagement was abruptly broken on the “fatal first” of January, 1841. Theories abound as to why the engagement was broken, with some (drawing on the words of Lincoln’s former law partner William Herndon) arguing that Lincoln decided he did not really love Mary, and others conjecturing that the Edwardses discouraged the match because they saw the rough-hewn Lincoln as lacking the proper background and “breeding” for a fine lady like Mary. In any event, the engagement was renewed in 1842 after mutual friends brought the two back together, and the Lincolns were married in a hurried ceremony on Nov. 4, 1842.

The Lincolns at first lived in a boardinghouse, then a house in Springfield as Abraham Lincoln’s law practice prospered. Lincoln spent much time away from home “riding the circuit,” leaving Mary in control of the home and their eventual four children (two of whom died as children and one of whom died at age 18). Mary, who was terrified of thunderstorms, often had local boys or men sleep over at the house to “protect” and comfort her while her husband was out of town. She also, according to some reports, added a second level to the house without asking for her husband’s permission; he rued the cost. Mary was known for spending large amounts of money, a trait which would cause trouble for her in the future.

Legend states that Mary had claimed as a child that any man she married would become president of the U.S. While this of course must be taken with a grain of salt, Mary was seen as enough of a part of Lincoln’s presidential campaign for him to run home shouting “Mary, we are elected” on the fateful election night in 1860.

During Lincoln’s presidency, Mary faced a great deal of unpopularity. Because the Lincolns came from the “West,” she and her husband were seen as “bumpkins” by Eastern elites. Southerners saw her as a traitor, since she had been born a “Southerner” in Kentucky, but had married an antislavery man. Antislavery forces, however, held her Southern birth against her. Many people also resented her efforts to maintain a graceful White House by redecorating the mansion, holding numerous balls, wearing sumptuous gowns, etc. – they argued that during a time of war and sacrifice, such ostentation was inappropriate. Mary was criticized particularly for the White House decoration, which was necessary (since the furnishings had indeed become shabby over the years), but she took things a bit too far, seeking nothing but the best furnishings for the mansion. Her dresses, as well, perhaps went over the top in terms of quality.

After Abraham Lincoln was assassinated in 1865, Mary’s world was shattered. Her excessive mourning, and other actions (such as shopping sprees for gowns she would not wear – since she assumed mourning garb for the rest of her life – and hundreds of pairs of white gloves, or multiple pairs of lace curtains for a home she did not own) indicate she suffered from bipolar disorder. Her known outbursts during Lincoln’s presidency (and, according to Herndon, in the earlier days of their marriage) also support this theory. For example, she exploded in a rage when she saw the wife of a general riding alongside Lincoln during a review of some troops, and she harshly upbraided Julia Grant for daring to sit in her presence. Mary was known by Lincoln’s secretaries by the nickname of “The Hellcat,” due to her fierce temper flare-ups.

In 1875, Mary’s behavior went from merely peculiar to fully pathological. She experienced hallucinations (such as people rapping on the walls of her hotel) and delusions (such as that a “wandering Jew” had stolen her pocketbook but would return it), and walked around with all her money and bonds sewn into her skirts. She demanded to have the tallest man in the hotel dining room pointed out (perhaps a wish to compare him to her very tall husband), and she ran through the hotel only partially clad. At this point, Mary’s surviving (and eldest) son, Robert, decided she needed to be declared “insane” and sent to an institution. She was found “insane” by a jury and went to live at a private asylum at Batavia, Illinois. Despite the relative freedoms she enjoyed (e.g., carriage rides, letter-writing privileges, etc.), Mary was miserable in the asylum and felt she did not belong there. She wrote to her friend Myra Bradwell, a rare female lawyer, and her husband, James, who was also a lawyer, and they arranged for her release to her sister Elizabeth’s custody.

Mary spent her final years quietly living in the upstairs of the Edwards home, known by local children as the “crazy lady” in the attic. She was accompanied by trunks full of her manic purchases – dresses, gloves, etc., which she spent her time going through. The Edwardses were almost afraid the weight of the trunks would be too much for the top floor of their home. Mary kept the curtains closed and burned candles for light. Perhaps she had eye problems related to diabetes.

In 1882, finally, Mary Lincoln was reunited with her husband in death. At her funeral, the reverend stated that she had been slowly dying ever since Lincoln’s assassination, and now that death was complete.